Have u ever felt tht u want to do this but can't?

so in india its midnight. my whole family is sleeping n em siting on net posting questions...................actually ma mother is sick n i don't know tomorrow em i be able to win this competition or not but wat making me scare is if i loses then frm where em gonna arrange money for her medicines.on yahoo no one knows me so em sharing wat em feeling but my mother isn't aware of this fact tht tomorrow em going to bunk class for an essay writing competition. you know what i know my essay is not the best one which can be awarded but i want tht money, i want to win this competition. its raining outside and this rain is reminding me of my dad.we both use to play in rain, ya ma dad n i and i know if he would be here, he would hav said me this "tht if u will believe then everything would be possible" but u kow wat I AM NOT ABLE TO BELIEVE ON MYSELF.i dont know wat should i do........